She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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