Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
