Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
