I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
