who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
