There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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