it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
