Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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