You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
