hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
