No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
