Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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