I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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