Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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