Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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