That's intense
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize