When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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