I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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