You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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