why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
