Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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