you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize