Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
