I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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