I got chris browned last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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