it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
