I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize