he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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