a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
