she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize