i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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