One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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