i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
