When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
