i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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