I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
