I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize