I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
