I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
