i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
