I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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