I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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