this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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