If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
