I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
