I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
