Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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