i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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