Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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