i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
