Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
