i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
