The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
