I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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