If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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