In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
