I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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