I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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