I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
