I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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