Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize