I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Welp...herpes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
