Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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