I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
