I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's never too late to be topless.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
