I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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