Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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