i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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