Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
