dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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