my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
