Kiss
Puke
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
