I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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