dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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