whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
