im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
