paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm passing your future prison.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
