Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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