is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
