Sry I called you an 8
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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