Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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