Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
